Joining the CFR Sisters!

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Dearest Friends and Family,

I don't think I have been on this website since I finished my last blog, 2 years ago! Just yesterday (September 5th) was my 3 year anniversary of leaving for Honduras to spend the year as a missionary. I have met many of you since then, and it is with gratitude that I write now to friends new and old, to share my joy as I step into God's arms with abandonment and peace, to enter the Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal. On September 23rd, I will officially join the Sisters at Our Lady of Guadalupe Convent in the Bronx.

Here's a little background info: The Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal began in 1988 in the South Bronx. They are the Sister order to the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal, well-known for their “famous” founding friars including Fr. Benedict Groeschel, Fr. Andrew Apostoli, and Fr. Stan Fortuna. The Sister community was formed under Fr. Andrew Apostoli and it is an order dedicated to a life of prayer and spousal love with Christ, but also to an active apostolate of service to the poor and young people. They are a response of Bl. John Paul II’s call for a “New Evangelization”. They are a group of women who love Jesus very much and desire to give the “yes” of their life to God completely. I feel deep joy, peace, and gratitude that God is asking me to make this commitment to Him with my life.

Though I’m jumping in with all my heart this fall, it still is a process of discerning. The Sisters, and the Catholic Church in her wisdom, won’t let me do anything drastic. (yes, radical, but not drastic!) So I won’t take vows (of poverty, chastity, and obedience) right away but I’ll keep discerning step by step, first for a year, as a candidate and a postulant, then two years as a novice before I would make first vows (years later than that I will profess final vows).

I rejoice when I think of all of you, and I promise to hold you in my heart as I venture into this life with Christ. Please pray for me--I am counting on your prayers and I will be praying for you. Also, for those of you who know a bit about the great St. Francis, you know that he was a holy beggar. So here goes. The one thing, other than our hearts, that we are asked to contribute upon entrance, is money for insurance. And we all know insurance is expensive. Though I've saved much of this amount, I am still in need of about $3,500. I would appreciate any gift you are able to make. There are a few different venues for you to contribute. If you are coming on September 17th, there will be a collection that evening. If you aren't able to join us, you can send a check made out to the "Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal" to:

Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal

Our Lady Queen of Angels Convent

232 E. 113th St.

New York, NY 10029

Please write "health insurance for Meredith Brennan" in the memo section of the check. Thank you from my heart, for helping in any way that you can!

I hope I will see many of you at the going away party on the 17th of September in Lansing, but I am sending this to many people who I know probably won't be able to make it. Thank you for your love, friendship, and support these many years. Your presence in my life is, and will continue to be, a great gift from God.

With love,

Meredith (MJ)

A Blessed Year

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Peace of Christ!

For some of you, what I'm writing be a surprise to you; and for that I apologize! I am rather humbled to be writing this. After 2 months of true discernment, I have found that I'm pretty sure that God has been asking me to get back to the States and get on solid ground here in the States. Honduras has certainly changed me, and I am trying to figure out exactly how. I just know that I simply cannot live how I did before I went. I am deeply grateful for my time there and I think it will take years to really process God's action in the time I was there.

Although this is a little earlier than expected, I want to thank you all for your constant support of me throughout the year. Through prayers, emails, words to my family at home, and of course, your financial support, I simply could not have done it without you. I really feel like God has started something in me that He has yet to complete, and I'm excited to see how He does so. After only a few days at home, I miss my community there and especially the people with whom we are in relationship in the neighborhood and surrounding city. It was hard to leave, but as a people of faith, we know that when the Lord calls, it's best that we "do whatever He tells" us, as His Blessed Mother advises...

The adventure of living for God doesn't end and the Mission continues...I will hopefully continue to work as much as possible for the Scholarship program down there, while I teach fourth grade at an East Lansing Catholic grade school, St. Thomas Aquinas! I'll be moving to Lansing within the next month.

Honduras needs special prayers these days, as if you have heard, there was a military coup this on Sunday the 26th (my flight out was on the Friday before). It's hard to imagine that there could be any more instability in Honduras, but God is the One who is stable through every storm. The Mission definitely continues although I'm not there, and all of your prayers and financial support has already or will be going to good use. Thank you for everything you've done this year, I continue to pray for you and hold you up in thanksgiving! I look forward to catching up in person, soon!

God bless,
MJ

Easter!

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Peace of the RISEN Christ! And Happy Easter! (It doesn't end til next Sunday, don't forget!)
Thank you to all of you who have kept the Mission and me in prayer. It has been an adventurous Spring, and living through Lent and Easter in Honduras was really beautiful. As you can see in the pictures, Holy Week in Comayagua is a crazy time. For us, crazy was an adequate description....instead of going on a mountain mission, I ended up at the Mission house because Therese, my missionary sister, underwent an emergency appendectamy. I really learned the meaning of Jesus' "I thirst" from the Cross, as I wetted her mouth with drenched cotton balls throughout the night...Praise God though, she healed well and passed through the danger.

One tradition famous in Comayagua are these carpetas that you see in the above pictures, which translates as "carpets". Different groups begin creating these carpets on the streets of the city's center on the eve of Good Friday. They keep vigil all night, forming these carpets out of dyed sawdust. In the morning, the Way of the Cross procession begins, making its way through the streets, stomping over the freshly made, beautiful designs. For me it was a beautiful metaphor: at first, one wants to cry out that it is unfair that they would spend so much time and resources in creating these masterpieces, just to be trampled hours later. But it reminds us that true beauty is worth the effort. And to honor Jesus and what He did for us through the sacrifice of His Cross, there is not enough we could do to respond to that love.

I'm home in Florida for a short break; I'll head back to Honduras again on Wednesday. As I was landing in Tampa on my way back from Honduras, we were delayed in the air due to thunderstorms below. We circled the majestic clouds for a good 40 minutes, and the whole time I looked out the window and marveled at the fact that it was so clear and sunny from where I was, even though the whole city of Tampa was getting poured on. It reminded me of how God sees things; He is up in the clear, seeing the big picture; which is beautiful and simple, while He allows the storms to pour out on us. Sometimes we can't see that big picture through the clouds, but He sees the beautiful work that He is doing. And sometimes He gives us a little break....I'm on mine right now, getting ready to go back into the storm, headfirst! Thanks for your prayers, you remain in mine, of course!

My first Honduran MANGO! I was only a little excited about this moment. And given to me in the best way--a woman from our mother's group offered them to us while we were walking through the neighborhood and praying the Rosary.







Ena and Dunia from our scholarship program invited me over to teach me how to make tortillas. They did the hard stuff...I only flattened them and stuck them on the stove...but they weren't too bad!








Our girl's group, Rosas de Maria, has started up again! Here they are putting together a "cheer". Please keep them all in your prayers. I've become the main leader of this group and sometimes feel a little out of my league! God's power is made perfect in weakness...







On our way to a Mission in February...where is the duck tour bus when you need it? Definitely don't have those in Honduras...






Lenten greetings to everyone. I hope this Lent has been a time to stop taking control and start giving it...to God. I've been well, thanks to your support and prayers. Life here does not lack adventures, if unexpected, that is for sure! It was good to have some visitors this past week--my Dad, and David Marchinda and Kelly Weber from GR youth ministry...amazing to have family and friends here, especially in this crazy life. Please continue to pray for my patience in loving the poor and loving my community. I miss you all, and lift you up frequently in my prayers. Know that you are all with me down here, and hold a special place in my little heart.
-With love, MJ

Back in Action

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Well, I'm grateful to say that I'm back to pretty much one-hundred percent action! Thank you for all of your prayers. I couldn't be more grateful to have your support and your love. I really depend on it.

My Dad wasn't able to visit...passport issues. It was a disappointment for sure, but reminded me to trust that everything happens for a reason. God is definitely teaching me how to be detached here. So it looks like Dad will be coming in March now, which is exciting!

I often get asked what I do on a regular basis here...to which there is not an answer. I thought though that I'd take you through a more or less "regular" day in mission life here...so I'll tell you about this past Wednesday.

Alarm rang at 5:00. After getting ready made a cup of coffee and sat down in my favorite spot--the balcony overlooking the sunrise behind the mountains. Though it's hard to get up, this is quickly becoming my favorite part of the day. From 5:30 usually till 6:30, we have personal prayer time. The sun rises a little before 6, so by that time I can see what I'm reading :). We prayed morning prayer and walked to Mass together--Wednesday is my favorite day because we get to go to the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal for Mass.

After Mass we ate breakfast. Wednesday mornings is my day to make visits with Sagrario, the social worker here. By 8:30 there were 2 families at our door, so on my way out I encountered them. They were asking to talk to Carol our head servant here. I tried to "triage" their problems. One family is from the neighborhood, a mom, her young daugher, and her young daughter's daughter; asking basically for food and help with money and clothes...the other a 19 year old mom with her two kids. There wasn't much I could do. We don't have the resources or ability to give bags of food to everyone who asks, unfortunately. I wish we could give them what we have in our kitchen, but then we couldn't eat either. It's a constant balance of trying to help when you can help and learning how to say no in a loving way. I'm not so good at it, but I depend on God's mercy and grace to help me out! I took the 19 year old mom with me to see if Sagrario had any wisdom for her, but while we were waiting for Sagrario to arrive, had a really good talk with her...she wants to go to school but her mom just kicked her out because she's not working...her little kids are bouncy and beautiful and so alive...the kids have two different dads and neither one is around...I tried to talk to her about how she can't settle for that--if only she knew how much she was worth!

Made visits with Sagrario: Elvia, an older woman who comes to our Thursday Bible Studies and spends most of the day alone in her home; a couple in their 90s, has been married for 70 years and now the woman has a bad case of dimensia--but she is adorable. He takes good care of her! Then to Jenny, who comes to our Bible Studies and is obviously depressed--has three beautiful kids. I love walking around with Sagrario--I ask her so many questions and she points out little cultural things; plants, names of different things at the pulperias (sort of like a convenience store).

Rosary at noon with the community, then the afternoon back at our ministry center, helping to clean out our office over there. There is always activity there, and I happened to sit down with one of the girls in our scholarship program and had a good talk. She wants to get confirmed this year. She was also a little concerned that she was 16 and had never had a boyfriend...I made sure to tell her this was PERFECTLY OKAY!!!

We had holy hour and dinner, then formation as a community, which included a lively game of Bible trivial pursuit, oh yes, in Spanish. I read a little bit after that, journaled...talked with my roommate and hit the hay.

You never really know what you'll encounter in a day here...it's best to be prepared for everything and not so attached to your schedule or your plans. And to take it one day at a time. I am always grateful to have that hour of time in prayer with Jesus...no matter how crazy the day is, if I can depend on having that hour, I can stay a little sane. :)

I miss you all, and thank you for your love and prayers. Happy St. Valentine's Day!
Blessings,
MJ

Back to Honduras and God's Mercy

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Happy 2009!

I have a lot going on in my heart and my head right now, so I'll try to be brief. I had an amazing break at home with my family. I really rested, had some yummy food, runs, and hot showers, saw a lot of a lot of people I love, and talked to others on the phone. The snow wasn't even that bad! I guess I can say that now that I'm out of it again...but really, I was so blessed by that month, even though sometimes it seemed like I was in a whole different world!

I came back to Honduras bracing myself to jump back into the craziness of life here. But I wanted to come back focused on adoring Christ and slowing down and not getting so overwhelmed and anxious. When I arrived at the Mission house after 2 days of travel and was asked to leave early the next morning for a dental brigade in the mountains, I said okay Lord...here we go on this adventure again!

It was a beautiful mission--I became a dental hygenist and translator for 3 days, which was, well, interesting and humbling. On our way home, after passing through the most perilous part of the trip from the mountain village to the first big town, it began to rain a little bit. About 20 minutes from home, we went around a curve a little fast and slammed into the back of a semi going the other direction. It was rather surreal, everything happened so quickly. All of a sudden I was in the back of a passerby's car with one of our missionaries who was unconscious and hardly breathing, begging Mary and Jesus to save his life and to get to the hospital before it was too late. Needless to say it was a little dramatic.

We got to the private hospital and he was still alive, and once he was in the room I realized that I was a bit out of it too, with some major neck pain. They checked me out, got some x-rays, and determined that nothing was fractured, only some neck trauma which should go away after a few weeks. Thank God the other two, after some more extensive testing, were all right. God was so merciful to us though..He really did arrange everything that day for the best. Everything could have been so much worse. We've been getting reports of other recent car accidents in the area, and out of 10 people involved in those, only one survived.

So even though I'm not exactly sure what God is saying through all of this, and I'm confused and a bit frustrated at my inability to do much...and how it is a bit of a setback for our community due to the cost and time and pain that surrounds the accident, I think His message rings clear...He loves me (and each of us), no matter what we do. There is nothing we can do to make Him love us more. And I believe He has a plan and purpose for my life and for the life of this mission. It sounds a little trite but I'm waking up grateful for the singing birds and the shining sun, and the yells from the kids in the neighborhood. There is a little more sweetness in all these things, and in remembering how good my life is and has been. I hope that it teaches me, when I'm back up and running again, to take joy in the little tasks of life instead of seeing them as obstacles to be checked off of a list.

I'm grateful for your prayers and your concern, I have definitely felt it and will continue to need it as I keep trying to stay close to Jesus right now. I've decided for now not to come home, as my symptoms are improving and everyone here is taking great care of me and my fellow missioners. My Dad has actually decided to come visit this weekend, just so that I can have his company and (in case I forgot) to tell me in person how much he and the rest of my family love me...and my Mom's cousin Lori is visiting as well. So please keep our mission in your prayers as we start this new year, full of things to do but also that we might be renewed in our way of being. I am confident that this time of purification means that God has great plans for this mission, if only we remain patient and trusting in Him!

All my love and prayers, MJ

Merry Christmas!

Peace of the Baby Jesus to all of you! Merry Christmas. It's finally here...the long awaited birth of our Savior. 

I write this still in my PJs from the comfort of sunny Florida. I've been back from Honduras now for a little over a week. To be honest, I couldn't have been more ready to get home. I was feeling a little spent, tired, frustrated...the last few weeks at the Mission were pretty busy and I was letting myself forget that it isn't what we do but who we are that gives us worth in God's eyes. So I showed up in Fort Myers like a giddy little girl taking in all the wonders of hot showers, walking/running outside by myself, drinking from the faucet, and silence at night. I do notice that I see things differently here after having been abroad and on Mission, but it didn't take me too long to get re-assimilated into this culture to some degree. The United States, for all its virtues and vices, is my home, and for that I am grateful. 

I had been waiting to get home for quite awhile; holding out for it, though I tried to remind myself that every day counts. And there were some pretty important days in the last few weeks...a medical brigade, a mountain evangelization mission...and the weeks of Advent, the Church's season of waiting. When asked in a community reflection what Advent means to me, I answered "anticipacion gozosa" which is my poor translation of Joyful Anticipation. It's joyful because we know that we have already been saved. The victory is already won. But I regret that my last few weeks weren't as joyful as they could have been. I lost a little bit of hope. I thought maybe it would all be restored the minute I stepped foot in the States. 

But when I got home, as joyful and happy as it has been, I realized again that my hope is not in the material things and comforts of the world, because I have those here, and I still long for more, for depth. My heart yearns for God, a God whose "ways are not my ways". I wondered if this Christmas which has been beautifully simple, would be as exciting and mysterious as Christmasses in the past, now that we're pretty grown up and there aren't kids around. Yesterday we went to the beach (sorry all you Northerners!) and I was reading the Pope's encyclical (a long letter he wrote, published last November).  I put it down to go for a walk and I stared out into the sea...and I wondered why it is that staring out to sea fills me with so much hope. We have no idea what's out there or what the other side looks like. It's the unknown that brings us so much hope. But for us Christians we are assured that Heaven is the other side! There is much suffering to endure while we wait, but we can receive it joyfully knowing that we are all really citizens of Heaven, no matter what our passport or paycheck says. One day we will all REALLY go home! The poor shepherds and the rich Magi alike came to adore Jesus in the poverty of His little manger. 

So Merry Christmas. God has found me through the love of my family here, as I pray He is doing for you today as well. I'll be going back to Honduras on January 12th with a renewed hope, but that will come when it comes--and I am grateful for this time here and in MI to unpack and keep reflecting upon the way God has worked in these past few months. I wish you a year of joy and few sufferings, but when they come, that you might face them with hope. You are certainly all in my prayers during this season of joy, as my gratitude radiates to wherever you are! I pray that these words of truth and wisdom might accompany you this Christmas season: 

"God cannot suffer, but he can suffer with. Man is worth so much to God that he himself became man in order to suffer with man in an utterly real way--in flesh and blood--as is revealed to us in the account of Jesus' Passion. Hence in all human suffering we are joined by one who experiences and carries that suffering with us; hence con-solatio is present in all suffering, the consolation of God's compassionate love--and so the star of hope rises." (Pope Benedict, Saved in Hope, p. 46)